Here in Canada, we have a lovely tradition of calling cute things "monkey" (we also say 'eh' and we apologize a lot, but I digress). "Monkey" is most often used to refer to pets and/or small children and in fact, I've called my nieces, nephews and both dogs, "monkey" for years. But I've been struggling with it a bit since Makeda arrived. I even recently bypassed an adorable tshirt/yoga pant combo with both the word and picture "monkey" on it, in favour of the "sweet pea" version, even though the monkey outfit was cuter and a better colour. Once my shopping was impacted, I knew I had to give the matter more thought.
I expect if I used "monkey" to describe a cute black kid in the States, I'd be shot. Apparently, according to a recent returnee from the U.K., it's also an absolute no-no over there, although "cheeky monkey" is acceptable. So, what to do with Makeda?
Since she's arrived, I've noticed that people in her life have dealt with this issue in a few different ways. There's those that bite their lip mid-stream through the word and replace it with "peanut" or another substitute, those that have never used it when referring to her, and a third group that, whether intentionally, so as not to single her out, or simply out of ignorance of the potential sensitivity of the word, continue to use it. I don't object to any of these approaches. I know that the word is not racially charged up here, and I don't want people to feel they should treat her differently, when the pet name is clearly not a racial slur. For those who choose not to use it, I take that as a sign of respect and an effort not to offend, even though I expect they know that no offense will be taken.
Having said all that, I think this is a pretty big deal south of the border. I know I will consciously take it out of my vocabulary when I'm down in the States with her. But so far as general use goes, is this just an instance of "when in the States, do as the Americans do", but otherwise don't treat her any differently here at home? Or is this an issue of such sensitivity in some countries, that it does (or should) transcend borders, simply out of respect?
Inquiring minds (well at least one inquiring mind) want to know...
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I have myself caught myself no longer using the term "monkey" with my kids in the last few years. I do have scrapbook pages I have made depicting as I labelled it, "my little monkeys" and felt I could get away with not offending anyone since it is of my two artificial twins when they were about two years old and shows two pages of pictures of them getting into all kinds of mischief. One of my "twins" is white, the other is black. Now would I have labelled a page just "my little monkey" in his album? I don't think I would have, sadly. I'm with you though on it not being such a big deal here and many people don't even know of the negative connotation. The younger generation certainly wouldn't.
On a serious note from me, I think as a society we have taken PC too far. It's all about how you use the word. When we call an adult an animal word, it's with the intention of being insulting. But for kids, it's meant to be cute. Bottom line is that monkeys are just too gosh-darned cute. They walk funny, do funny things just as kids. That's why we call them (the kids) monkeys.
I call my god-daughter my bumblebee because she's hyper and loves to run around, like a bee does flying. I should mention that she's bi-racial (asian and black). Does that mean I'm calling her a racist name by using a bi-colored animal? You see... we can always find fault with everyting and it's got to stop, especially when our intentions are pure. Kids looove to be called animal names because animals are special to them with their sounds, fur, etc.
We used to call my brother as an toddler 'chicken legs' because he was top-heavy with skinny legs. He looooved it, especially when we had KFC.. he got a kick out of eating the legs.
I am Canadian and have definitely used that and have heard it used!
Nikki
http://ethiopia2009-adana.blogspot.com/ --> my Ethiopian mission
Good one Barbara. I've been thinking about this lately, too, and have paused over similar outfits in the store. A friend of mine always calls her (white) kid monkey and then once, during a conversation, I could see her blush after saying it, as if I would find it offensive to call a child that. I didn't. But I must admit it does give me pause for a second when I hear it - not in a "Ooh, you racist!" way - more in a "hmmm, watch what you say next" way. So I see where people might be offended or sensitive to it. With these thoughts in my head, during a recent conversation, I deliberately compared a friend's black baby to a monkey because, quite frankly, she walks like one. I did it consciously and I would have done the same for a white baby walking the same way. I think in the US I might not use that term and it might be easier to just not use it here because some parents will be offended by it. I would perhaps take my cues from the parent. If they use the term then 'monkey see, monkey do,' as they say. And they are less likely to be offended if they know you.
It is really unfortunate that this discussion even needs to take place in this day and age. I think the root of all this nonsense goes back decades when blacks were caricatured as being sub-human. Even the old Disney cartoons perpetuated those old images of 'jungle bunnies' and the like. It's still a sensitive topic for black people but in my case, I'm not offended when I know there is no malicious intent. My thought is if you keep holding on to old bitterness, you'll never get over it. Unfortunately, in the US, it seems that's not happening as fast as north of the border.
Sorry for the ramble. I do try to keep my comments shorter than the actual post...
Yeah, it could be pretty bad to call a Black child "monkey" here in the US. But not everyone is aware of it. Especially us clueless white types. And I agree that the Political Correctness thing can get a bit extreme.
Last year, I saw some adoptive parents actually dress their Ethiopian child in a monkey costume for Halloween!! I didn't know what to say, because I didn't want to be the PC police, but I also wished they were at least aware of the possibility that they were offending some Black folks.
I choose to err on the side of caution, except when it would be ridiculous. And I just trust that people who might call Elsa a "monkey" (it has happened recently) are doing so with affection and have no idea there is any other connotation for that term
p.s. I've also steered away from a jungle theme in the nursery bedding, etc. because it might be misconstrued as at worst 'stereotyping my African child' and at best 'obvious.' But I have no problem with somebody else decorating with that theme. And I have no problem having giraffes and elephant toys in there.
~Clueless black woman
Oh! Jungle theme in the bedroom! I deliberately steered away from that. Sterotype was too obvious. BUT - the jungle theme was clearly the IT theme this year (and the stuff was actually really cute)! It was everywhere here in Vancouver when I furnished the nursery and if I'd wanted an animal theme, would have been nearly impossible to avoid.
I commend your openness to "stranger" input! I, too have thought about this term of endearment as I have often referred to my very white, but half Korean as a "little monkey." If used as a term of endearment and with a loving, admiring and respectful tone, then by all means press on! Open discussion, awareness, and honesty in a house filled with (and by that I mean overflowing with) love is the best approach of arming our children with the wisdom, acceptance and tools needed to not only just make it in the world, but truly impact their world in the largest way possible-a wish almost all parents have.
Wow, interesting, I did not know Canadians use "monkey" as a cute moniker for kids etc. As soon as I read hte beginning of your post, I cringed because I am conditioned to do so mostly as an American. I suspect if she's raised in Canada, she certainly wouldn't have any ill effects from being called a cute pet name as that...
It's great that your sensitive and thoughtful to all the aspects or hubub surrounding the word.
We're south of the border! I always think of Mexico that way.
Cindy
I had this exact same thought, because I call my boy (white) monkey too, and didn't know what to call his future sister. It'll be hard to stop using the nickname. I hate knowing that it will slip out on occasion and it'll make me feel like I've been disrespectful. Maybe I need to adopt cheeky monkey. It's a tough issue.
my husband who is black, finds it very offensive when people use the term monkey with the kids.
Hi Anonymous - thanks for the feedback - just curious - do you live in Canada or the U.S.?
I never would have even considered the issue. I generally call kids 'monkeys' when they start climbing all over everything. I have only ever considered it an affectionate description of the action. Thanks for posting a thought-provoking subject.
I totally call the girls monkeys. Shmoopie monkeys, chunky monkeys, monkeydoodles. It just comes out organically and with much love. I have always called my white neices and nephews monkeys. My babies screech and play and grab everything and act like little monkeys, just like all the other little babies I've ever known. I hate that we have to think about or change this because some mf haters have ruined a perfectly good term of endearment. But I guess I should think about it some more.
Oh yeah, and the froggy thing is a little play mat with overhead hanging things. I can't remember the name of the restaurant, and it bugs me that I can't. Funny, nobody seems to know it. I guess in all the excitement some details get lost
I call my cat "monkey bum". I call my 1/2 asian 2 yr old nephew a "little monkey". If I stop myself from calling Makeda "monkey" because I am afraid of it's perception, then am I guilty of discrimination? If I do call her "monkey", knowing that Barb, myself and Makeda all know that it is an endearment, does that take the charge out of it? I'm not sure that it is a neutral enough word at this point for my overly sensitive PC WASP ass. I hope one day I will call her "a little monkey" and not feel that pang of horror that comes when you've pulled a social blunder. Until then, I think I'll just stick to calling her "gorgeous". luvauntiemare
Okay, so I've been thinking about it. I also call them "munchkins" about as much as I call them monkeys. Sometimes, I call them munchkeys or munchies. So I've tried just going with munchkin all the time, instead of switching it up with Monkey. Today, I found myself singing the Monchichi theme song. Does anyone remember Monchichis? "monchichi monchichi, oh so soft and cud-del-ee..." thats all I can remember. Was that a Canadian thing too? I think I need to focus on calling my daughters by thier NAMES more!
I would love to have info on which agency you used. Your story is sooo inspiring - we are in process of adopting but are still trying to find the right agency for us. My email is mreese@realtracs.com
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