Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Tattoos and Other Insects

Some years ago I decided I wanted a tattoo. A ladybug to be exact. This announcement was greeted by friends and family with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. One friend was slightly more helpful, recommending this as a potential candidate:

Her logic was that the tattoo could grow older with me until eventually, when I was 80, I would be sporting a raisin. The idea didn't grab hold, and I stuck with the ladybug. The problem was, I could never find just the right ladybug. No matter how many tattoo books I looked through and how many web pages I searched, I could never find the right amount of cuteness. Until today. Today I found the world's cutest ladybug. This is her:

Happy Hallowe'en!!!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Don't Mess With Gramma

This is my mother in 20 years. Listen to the woman behind the camera giggle!

My Hero!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Pay Attention PAPs!

A little treat passed along by Makeda's Auntie Gayle. Remember, if you need any practice, I get first dibs!

Thinking of Having Kids? Do this 11 step program first!

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the newspaper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…

1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s breast feeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behaviour.

Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…

1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? To find out…

1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favourite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.

1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don’t think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don’t look like that.

1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week’s groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you’re thinking What’s ‘Noggin’?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying ‘mommy’ repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each ‘mommy’; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the ‘mommy’ tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Monday, October 13, 2008


As you can see, she's more interested in the camera than idle chit chat, but I forced it out of her.

And here is my cutie all decked out for turkey dinner.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Scam Alert

Hi everyone, just wanted to bring to your attention a scam that I fell for, so that you don't fall for it. I received this email a few weeks ago that my nephew had won this drumming contest put on by Hedley (great Canadian rock band) and that I should head out to Surrey on Saturday to meet up with the rest of my family, and we would all be allowed in the sound room to listen to them rehearse and watch a short charity concert where my nephew would be drumming with them. This seemed a VERY big deal, so I dropped my plans, packed up Miss Makeda in the truck, and headed out. This is her, practicing her hand clapping in the car seat, decked out in her hip hop gear.

So, we arrive, very punctually so as not to miss the limo departure. And... it was a SCAM!!! There was no contest, no prize winning nephew, and NO HEDLEY! It was a surprise party. For some unmentionable birthday that is occurring in the fairly near future. Did I mention that I had done my hair? Put on eye shadow? Worn proper black concert attire? I was ready (and presentable) to rock out with some 25 year old boys. And what did I get for my efforts? Their latest CD.

Anyway, I was whisked away to the spa, followed by a family dinner. This is the finished product.

Then we went out for Greek food in White Rock. We're not much for pictures and none of us is a very good photographer, so this is all the evidence I have that there was a party. This is me and my mom.

Anyway, I had a great day. But DON'T BE FOOLED. DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!!