Countdown...

Well, not really. More like countdown to the countdown. Homestudy is finished, forms notarized, applicable letters written. So who's holding things up??? That would be me! Just finalizing that photo album and then we're off to the races (again).

Because I Don't Have Enuf On My Plate, That's Why

Recently, I made the career enhancing, social life crippling/sleep depriving, decision to serve, at the pleasure of the Board, as a member of the CFA Institute's Disciplinary Review Committee. This entails serving on hearing panels which review the professional conduct of holders of the CFA designation (or aspirants thereto). Since the entire world, apparently, revolves around the EST timezone, and all hearings are held at 8:30am EST, for me out here in Lotus land, that means 5:30am hearings. No, that is not a typo. That is a.m., not p.m. Furthermore, this is not a revenue producing gig. I am serving my CFA profession gratis. So, imagine my delight at finding out that the semi-annual in-person meeting is.... here. Check it out. AND, I'm stayin' on for the weekend, after the conference. C'mon. Admit it. You were laughing at me but now you're jealous. Just a little bit.

On a completely different topic, Miss M and I crossed the border on Sunday and went to La Connor, Wash. to tiptoe through the tulips with her grandparents and cousin Jenna.

And later this week, I have something very special for y'all. So stay tuned.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

No, not mine. Mine is definitely not speaking in full sentences. My boss' child, however, now HE is speaking in full sentences. And they're good sentences. The kind that issue forth from a precocious 8 year old. Spence came to work to stay with daddy for awhile yesterday.

Me: Hey Spence, got anything good to tell me about your dad?
Spence (after some serious thought): Yeah, I got something. The look of the devil child crossed his face. I knew this would be good.
Me: Whatcha got?
Spence: My daddy doesn't sleep in his pj's at night. He sleeps in his underwear.
Me: Wow! That is waaayyy too much information, but thanks.

Then I told his assistant, who also thought it was way too much information, but thought it worthwhile to pass around. I know payback's a bitch, but Makeda will have nothing useful for sometime to come and I figure by then I'll be working somewhere else.

Watch Me in Action - New and Brilliant Dating Tactics

The other week, when my homestudy SW ran out of questions to ask me regarding my views on parenting (said views being abundantly clear, apparently, based upon the pets and small children running amok through the living room as we conducted my interview), we digressed to the more interesting (and important) issue of How to Meet Men in Vancouver. I'd actually given up on this some time ago, but being more recently single herself, she clearly had more energy and ideas than I did, and was only too happy to share. I'd been there, done that, on most of her ideas, but found one of them rather intriguing - an agency by the name of "Hearts" - a highly customized dating service which operates in various city centres across Canada. Now, I'd considered this some years ago, but on the advice of a good friend - "Barb, really, what real man is going to hire an agency called "Hearts"" - I set off down numerous different paths instead. Until now. See, like me, my SW is cheap. And Hearts is not cheap. But, Hearts IS in the business of finding soulmates for its paying clients. And to do that, they need volume. And for volume, they need to go to the masses. Which is where I come in. I can go onto the Hearts website and email my specs in the hopes that they find me palatable enough to set up with one of their paying clients. Free for me and I'd meet a bunch of the men I'd meet anyway if I paid them for the match. Genius? I think so too. I sent my email. Even included a couple of pics. And?

Silence. Great. Now I don't just get ignored by actual men, I get ignored by the agencies who represent them in general. Mass rejection. I love it.

Finally, today, I receive from Hearts....

a print advertisement. Heavily personalized by inserting "Barbara" after "Dear" in a completely different font from the rest of the form letter which proceeds to tout their general matchmaking service. I tell you, nothing says "You Are Good Enough for Our Clients" like a font mongrel form letter. Oh well, back to the drawing board...

Little Sista Update

Well, it's been a busy time recently for me, with lots of travel, both with and without Miss M. Much wine has been passed. And that was only one night's worth. But I'm back now for a few weeks. And I thought y'all might appreciate a diversion from Miss M to talk about her little sister. It's all moving along quite quickly actually. I suffered from a considerable lack of motivation in January which was when I decided to start pushing paper again. Just staring at that stack of "to do's" and "to collects" froze me in my tracks. I was exhausted just looking at it. But, I jumped back in in February, and now, HOLY CRAP, it's pretty much all done. Medicals, done, criminal checks, finito, homestudy, all over. Suddenly, it's me holding things up. I need my backyard shrubs to start blooming so my MOWA photo album doesn't look like I have corpses for plants. Photos of death are not going to win me any points on my quest for a second child. But, that's it! One more month tops, and it's time cut the - ouch - big cheque. You know, the one in US dollars, that I have to cut when our exchange rate has just hit bottom. I'd say at worst, my file should be in Ethiopia by June. Then I can stick my cheery little ticker tape up at the top and wait it out again with the rest of ya!

How to Make Friends and Influence Regulators

We've all been on the receiving end of one or more of those inadvertant "Reply All" emails, and have probably sent one or two ourselves. I for one enjoy them immensely, as they are (1) generally unflattering of me and (2) copied to numerous people, thereby increasing the humiliation of the sender 10-fold when their error is uncovered. Of course, if there is any chance of that error remaining uncovered, I blow that possibility to hell by hitting the "Reply All" myself, in response.

Here is the most recent (and possibly the most cherished) email faux pas of which I have been both victim (indirectly) and witness. A little background: The securities commissions in Canada undertake reviews of public disclosure of Canadian companies and communicate with them regarding any deficiencies on a regular basis. If the company is also listed on a Canadian stock exchange, the stock exchange is copied on the correspondence. Recently, one of the commissions sent such a letter to a company listed on our exchange, and copied us on it, as per usual. One of the company's officials promptly responded to the issues raised, and then copied his fellow directors and the company's legal counsel on his response. He also copied the securities commission in question, and several exchange officials, including myself (all of which was done intentionally). One of the company's directors who had been copied on the response then hit "Reply All" to provide some further editorial on the matter, to his fellow directors. He failed to appreciate that his colleague's original response had been directed to the various regulators, as well as to the directors/lawyers. Thus, the response was circulated to a great many people it ought not to have been. The content was as follows (all names changed to protect the idiots).

"Chuck, I have found with the exchange that when they are wrong (and in my experience it is often) they need to be told in no uncertain terms as long as the response is sincere and not too degrading to them. My rapport with the exchange has always been based on the principle that they work for me as well as shareholders and if they err, they should be informed for everyone's benefit. I've also noticed in one instance that when they decided to try to bully me I stood fast and, like all bullies, they backed down. I support your response Chuck and am sure it will have the desired effect. Tom"

Now, firstly, I had no idea that I reported to so many people. Thousands of you, by the looks of it. So, in light of that, please feel free to lob any additional critiques or suggestions my way. Secondly, it's my job, under the appropriate circumstances, to kick people out of the marketplace. Could stupidity be a sound reason for me to do this? And by that, I'm not limiting "stupidity" to hitting "Reply All" to a bunch of regulators, but also to the fact that the Exchange didn't actually write the letter in question. Lastly, nothing warms the cockles of a regulator's cold black heart quite like being called a bully. We thrive on it. We really do. Keep it coming. I'm sure it will have "the desired effect".

My response, you ask?

I hit my own "Reply All" with "Thanks for sharing Tom. Feedback is always appreciated." Funny, I never heard anything back. Seemed he got his itchy "Reply" finger under control.

Silly Pet Tricks

ok, ok, I've been remiss, but I have very little to say these days. Here's the star of the show.