Sunday, January 24, 2010

Twists and Braids for Idiots

See if you can spot the difference.

Maybe this one is a better illustration.

My point is, Makeda has hair. I do not. I've never had hair. My mum kept a bow stuck to my head until I was two, just to make sure people knew I was a girl. I grew up on bad perms and a curling iron, switching later to a high volumizing blowdryer.

So, I've been putting off the baby haircare. Sure, I've put in a few colourful elastics and I can fluff her hair into a pretty funky afro, but as Makeda's hair has gotten longer, I've put off the inevitable and let Tessie carry the burden. All the good hair you've seen on this blog is courtesy of nanny Tessie. And, to be fair, I don't have much practice time. Makeda is exclusively mine on Saturdays and Sundays. Weeknights aren't really conducive to sitting in front of Dora, practicing on hair. It's our playtime. And weekends, I can pretty easily think up stuff I'd rather have us do.

But, much like dealing with my math phobia, it got to the point where I realized I had to face the fact that I was parenting an African child, and just deal with it. Gramma "helped" by ordering everything under the sun that I could ever need, from Shuruba. Beaders, beads, stoppers, applicable hair goo, you name it, I got it. So, Sundays have become hairday until I get the hang of this.

Shuruba has some great video clips to teach you the basics. I knew instinctively that this would not be enough. Gramma went back to try and order a DVD. No such luck. I was stuck with the clips. Which are good. If you're normal. But, if you're both hair challenged, and you operate in my world (aka, the idiot zone), there's not enough info.

So, I'm here today to give you pasty white girls the tips that no one else would think to give you, because they are not stupid.

Firstly, buy the Curly Frizz Pudding. It really works so any idiot can smooth out a clump of baby hair and start twisting. Unfortunately, more is not better. When you can no longer operate the beader with your hands, and are resorting to your teeth, because you can't get a grip on the slippery hair, you've gone too far.

Secondly, put the beads on the beader before you start twisting. I believe this was recommended in the video, but it needed to be said more than once. Nothing kills your enthusiasm faster than getting to the end of the perfect twist only to have to use your elbow and teeth to string the beader.

Lastly (and I swear you will not find this tip anywhere else, because no one else on the internet lacks enough dignity to 'fess up) - while I strongly recommend using your teeth to close the bead snaps so you don't lose your grip on your twists, make sure you... you guessed it... get your tongue out of the way first. That hurt people. It really hurt. I've not been in that situation since growing up North and sticking my tongue against a playground post, just to see if it was really true. But at least a pole doesn't move. Try being attached to a moving two year old.

This is the result. Not beautiful, I'll admit, but for me, quite the feat, and therefore worth the kodak moment.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

A Nifty Way to Avoid Jail

Well, well. It appears that Ms. Sue Hayhow has fled Canada to begin a new life in Ethiopia. Since charges had not yet been laid up here, she would have retained her passport and would be free to go. But, it's a small world and I'm sure we'll catch up with her eventually. Here's a photo. If any of you see her while you're travelling, please do say hello to her from all of us, and give her our assurance that we will make sure her actions come back to bite her in the ass eventually. And don't forget to tell anyone you may see her affiliated with, the heady news about her background. She will undoubtedly seek involvement with an orphanage there and there's no sense putting anyone else at risk. Spread the word (and the photo)!!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

We're Number...

165!!! Imagine Adoption has now issued all of the "place markers" for those of us who had their files in Ethiopia at the date of the bankruptcy. We (me and big sister M) are lucky #165. So, at the rate of 10 to 15 referrals a month, which looks feasible, it will be 12 to 16 months. It seems a lifetime, since last time I waited a whole FOUR months, but in the face of almost losing it all, I'm very grateful. Hoorah!!

Friday, January 8, 2010

Well, Not Right Away

That's right, just to spice up a 2010 that's started out a little slow (all 8 days of it) ... we're moving. Voluntarily. To Toronto. Where there's snow. Often. And humidity. Ick. But the shopping should be an improvement and really, what else matters? But I digress. This is a temporary move. One year, tops. And it won't happen til around May so I still have a lot of time to freak out properly. As if that's not enough, I've decided to drive there. That's right, one pasty white chick, her kid and a nanny, hotfooting it across the prairies in a U-haul. I don't know why. I've just never done it so I thought it was a good idea. Don't worry - this is the internet. You'll never even notice I'm gone.

Someone declared that I must be having a mid-life crisis. I said if I was the type to have a mid-life crisis, it's more likely that happened the year I bought my motorcycle. Or adopted a child. Or took 6 months off. Or started a second adoption. My friends, the year I sit still, I am having a mid-life crisis, and you may intervene.